Why I'm Grateful for My PsA Diagnosis

PsA changed my perspective, and ultimately helped me make better decisions for living a more balanced lifestyle.

Long before I had any signs or symptoms of psoriatic arthritis, I still wouldn’t have considered myself the picture of health. I was in my early 20s and living with abandon. I ate pretty poorly and often, and I enjoyed wine with most meals. I had a generally negative mindset that I thought just went along with being a working millennial in a big city.

I thought that working out regularly and eating healthy had to be fueled by a desire to look physically “good.” I rejected the idea that I needed to foster any kind of regimen just to adhere to societal pressure to be thin and pretty. I thought self-help and positive thinking were for puritanical squares and preferred a lengthy gossip session over talking about goals and dreams.

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PsA changed my perspective

My lack of self-care and penchant for negative thinking was heightened when I first started experiencing symptoms of psoriasis and eventually psoriatic arthritis. And it only got worse when I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me.

Then something switched. I started reading about things like the autoimmune protocol diet. I flew through “The China Study, How Not to Die” and pretty much anything and everything that Gwyneth Paltrow had ever said or written about health and wellness. I became obsessed with healing myself from the inside out.

It started working — slowly — until it didn’t. I knew I had psoriasis, but I rejected being put on steroids due to my newfound pledge to the natural-healing world of Gwyneth Paltrow. My healthy diet and natural topical remedies like coconut oil and apple cider vinegar worked well to lessen the scaly and itchy mess that was on my scalp and arms. I thought I had beaten quote-unquote big pharma.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t. Now I don’t think going from one end of the self-care spectrum to the other is the answer to putting an autoimmune disease like mine — or any illness — into remission. I might have lessened the physical manifestation of my psoriasis, but choosing to forego traditional medicine eventually led to my autoimmune disease advancing to psoriatic arthritis.

A turning point

It got past the point where I could experiment with vitamins and clean eating. My joints started to swell and ache more and more, no matter what I did. It got to the point where my hip joints and ankles were so sore, I quite literally couldn’t walk anymore. I gained 50 pounds in a few short months and wondered if I would ever be able to move normally again. I had no choice but to finally seek out the help of a rheumatologist.

After being put on a combination of methotrexate, hydroxychloroquine, and meloxicam, and slowly gaining my mobility back, I vowed to never take my health (or modern medicine) for granted ever again. I started doing yoga and guided meditations every day to shift my down-and-out mental health, and I hired a personal trainer to help me gain my strength and mobility back without risking injury.

My evolving health journey to find what’s sustainable for me

It took months of commitment, but I eventually started feeling like myself again — a new and improved version of myself leading a more balanced lifestyle. My rheumatologist credited my commitment to self-care and fitness for how quickly I was able to put my PsA into relative remission. She wasn’t in any rush to take me off my medication, but it was pretty incredible to hear that I was able to foster a holistic approach to healing that actually worked and was sustainable.

Fast-forward a few years to today: I’m still on the same combination of low dose methotrexate and hydroxychloroquine, but I never have to reach for the strong painkillers I was taking in the early days of my diagnosis. I’m able to enjoy indulgent food and wine on special occasions but inherently know when I should reach for a smoothie or green juice instead of inflammatory foods.

The road to peace and gratitude

After a long road and a lot of pain, of not being able to walk for months on end, and of feeling much older than I should have in my 20s, I am now at a place where I feel incredibly grateful for being diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis.

You see, I don’t think I would have ever taken care of my mental health or my body if I didn’t have to. I was never someone who had a natural inclination to go to the gym or check out trendy fitness classes — but now hiking, pilates, and swimming are some of my favorite pastimes. I was someone who would have much preferred knocking back a bottle of wine and a pizza than going to the farmers market for fresh veggies — but now I see food as fuel and medicine.

I’ll admit that now that I have my condition relatively under control, I do indulge in some of life’s little vices, but I continue to eat extremely clean, I work out 5 days a week, go for walks, and take really good care of my mental health through meditation and bi-weekly therapy sessions. It started as a way to sustain my remission but has become a way of life that I genuinely enjoy.

I really do believe that if I didn’t have a condition like psoriatic arthritis, I would have eventually gotten sick in other, more serious ways from neglecting my body and mind.

However, despite my diagnosis of a lifelong illness, I never feel like a sick person. I feel strong and healthy — and I’m not sure I would have achieved that if I didn’t have a push like the risk of losing my mobility and living with discomfort.