November 28, 2022
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Photography by Juan Moyano/Stocksy United
Caring for your family and managing your condition is a lot — especially during the holidays. These tips can help.
As someone who really enjoys the holidays, I never thought I’d put the terms “holiday” and “survival” anywhere in the same sentence. But for a few years after my psoriatic arthritis (PsA) diagnosis, I really dreaded the season.
As my condition worsened, I came to expect the unending pain and fatigue that came with the busyness of being a parent during the holidays.
It’s from this perspective and the lessons I’ve learned along the way that I offer these heartfelt holiday tips for parents with psoriatic arthritis.
People can’t read your mind. More often than not, I’ve found that family and friends want to help, and they want you to be comfortable, but they don’t know what you need.
Unless you are clear and open with your communication, then you can’t get upset if no one makes any accommodations during the holiday season.
If you’ve lived with psoriatic arthritis for pretty much any length of time, then you know the value of planning. This triples in importance during the holiday season.
Always, always, always plan for more rest time and more recuperation time than you think you actually need. I’ve found that if I don’t plan in rest time, then I’ll burn myself out and make my symptoms worse.
No matter how well you think you have it laid out, there will always be things that come up that you didn’t plan for — a change in medications, a storm front, or an additional invitation for something that you really want to do.
No matter what, always plan for more rest time than you think you’ll need.
I wish I could say just put your head down and hope for the best, but I know that you need so much more than that, especially when your kids are young.
You want everything to be just perfect for them and have yourself convinced that if they miss out on a single thing that their holidays will be ruined.
I know. I’ve been there. But be kind to yourself. You are the best parent for your kids, and you will find ways to create your own kind of holiday magic for them.
If your kids don’t know how to set alarms yet, take the win for as long as you can. This includes Christmas morning or any day that your kids are so excited they want to be up at the crack of dawn. Let them (and yourself) sleep in.
There are usually aunts, uncles, and grandparents that want to get in on the holiday magic. Let them.
If your kids are a little older, this is your permission to start expecting a little more empathy and understanding from your children regarding the holiday season.
It is a difficult lesson for them to learn, but as your children get older, I believe it is very important for them to learn that for the holiday season to go smoothly, everyone has to pitch in. Everyone can contribute to making the season a little more magical.
Once the kids are grown, I believe communication becomes paramount to holiday survival. Make a plan for what is expected from everyone. Get organized, create a shared Google doc (or have someone else do it), and plan as much as possible.
Again, no one can know if you need help pulling off the perfect holiday party if you don’t tell them and let them help. And most friends and family (especially grown children) want to help.
I know we all want that “Hallmark moment” when everything is just right and exactly how we envisioned it would be. But in the grand scheme of things, the most memorable holidays are made up of small, everyday moments.
During those times when you don’t think you can make it one more moment or fake one more smile, just stop and look around. Memorize the moment like it is a picture in your head.
Instead of focusing on how you feel — your pain and your fatigue — focus outward. Look at your children’s smiles and hear their laughter. Allow the love that is all around you to recharge your batteries.
Is that perspective kind of corny? Maybe, but it hasn’t let me down yet. And it has allowed me to make it through the holidays with a genuine smile on my face.
Medically reviewed on November 28, 2022
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